Is It Stalking If You Have Permission?
by JessAlmasy
Summary: The one where Kurt tries to turn a stalker into a boyfriend but has the small problem of not knowing who's texting him.
1. Chapter 1

**This story starts in Season 3, during 'I Kissed A Girl', bc I'm sad and can't stop trying to fix what the glee writers broke. It's also VERY similar to my other story, Skype With Caution. So if reading stories that are too alike, esp from the same author annoys you... well, you already hate me, but this will make it worse. I have a serious affinity for epistolary fics and anything where one of them is anonymous. (I met my husband online, so I'm gonna blame him for that, since its become my habit to blame him for most of my writing... lol)**

 **Most college application deadlines are Nov 1st, but since I'm sticking to their timeline, pretend its Dec 1st, k? =D**

* * *

[Kurt]

As Kurt sits at his vanity rubbing the last cream into his cheeks, he wonders if Blaine has unpacked all of his bags yet. _Probably. It's been a couple days and it's not like he can take that much._

There isn't much room in a Dalton dorm.

It's only Tuesday but Kurt already feels so drained that he can't wait for the weekend. He'd known when he broke up with Blaine on Friday that the other boy would take his chance to run back to the spotlight and the blazers. The past week had been one of the longest in Kurt's life. After their disastrous night out with Sebastian and The Incident, Kurt had known something was broken in their relationship.

He'd been dropping heavy handed hints for weeks, if not months, that he was ready to move their relationship on to the next level. Blaine had always changed the subject or said he wasn't ready. And that was fine, clearly Kurt didn't want to pressure him. If he wasn't ready, Kurt would wait, gladly. He'd rather them both be really sure that they wanted the same thing than do something they'd regret.

What he hadn't anticipated was that Blaine would need alcohol and another guy to decide it was time. Earlier that same week Kurt had talked to Blaine about what he wanted. He'd said that they were young, in high school, and he'd hinted that he didn't need anything other than his own hand. One night out with Sebastian and 'one beer' and suddenly Kurt is supposed to drop his pants in the back of his truck. What. The. Hell.

He's all for being spontaneous and having fun... But anyone who thought Kurt Hummel wanted to have his first time in the back of a vehicle, parked outside a gay bar, with his boyfriend so drunk he can't walk straight, wasn't paying attention. _If we'd had sex before, and it was just another night out together, sure. It's not like I've never wanted to just crawl into the backseat before, but not the first time..._

Kurt really didn't understand why that made him a prude or boring. Not that any of this actually mattered. Kurt had spent almost a whole day wringing his hands, wondering if he'd hurt Blaine's feelings or damaged his pride. It wasn't that he wasn't ready, or didn't want to, it was just the situation. Honestly he'd been thinking about making it up to Blaine by going back to his house with him after the show. However, before he'd gotten a chance to talk to Blaine about it, he'd overheard him talking to Rachel before curtain.

Kurt was in love. He was a senior. He was 18. He and Blaine had been together for a long time, and he was ready. Those are the reasons Kurt had wanted to give Blaine his virginity. Blaine had wanted to be a better actor in the school musical. He'd wanted to give an authentic performance as Tony. That was why his tune suddenly changed. That was why he was now 'ready' to do it. _I guess I should just be glad that he loved me enough to not just go back to Sebastian after I turned him down that night._

With a sigh, Kurt tightens the lids on his jars and tubes and gets up. He glances at the clock and groans out loud when he sees that it's barely 8pm. Despite being ready for bed, he can't bring himself to actually crawl under the covers. As much as he'd love to escape reality, he'd be up at 4am and that's just too damn early.

Grabbing his phone, Kurt curls up in the chair by the window and scrolls through facebook hoping for a distraction. Sadly, most of his friends aren't really talking to him at the moment. They aren't mad at him, per se. they just aren't happy about losing Blaine. They're on his side about the break up, though. Not a single member of the glee club defended Blaine when the whole thing came out.

Kurt hadn't exactly been pleased to have his personal drama thrown around the choir room like they worked at TMZ, but Rachel had told the whole story before he could get a word in edgewise. In fact, he'd learned more about what had happened from listening in. Kurt had really just been hurt that Blaine was discussing their sex life with his co-star like the night before meant nothing, just a mild disappointment to him. Kurt had been eaten up with guilt and insecurities and Blaine had just been worried about his acting. It wasn't until Rachel had shamefully explained that they'd tried to lose their virginities for the sake of the play that Kurt had really felt vindicated.

Kurt had cornered Blaine on the stage on opening night after everyone left. He'd explained that the night before was unfair in every sense of the word and had ended up ranting for over five solid minutes about everything from airing their personal affairs to Blaine's clear attraction to Sebastian. Blaine may have never acted on it, but it was pretty obvious to everyone, especially Sebastian, that Blaine was flattered. He'd made no effort to make the warbler stop hitting on him.

Instead of apologizing and accepting responsibility for his actions, or even trying to tell his own side of the story, Blaine had snapped out "Well, if I'm such a crappy boyfriend, why are we even together?!"

Thankfully, Kurt had built up enough anger to yell back, "If that's all you have to say, we're not! Go to hell, Blaine!" and storm away. Blaine had stuck around McKinley long enough to finish the run of West Side Story, and had given his apologies to the glee club, but had told them that come Monday, he'd be back at Dalton. Kurt hadn't said a word to him since he'd broken up with him.

In fact, Kurt is surprised that he's not more heartbroken. Anger really was key, it seemed. Kurt was still so mad about everything Blaine had said, done, and meant in their last week together, that he'd shed very few tears and didn't regret the break up at all. He'd managed to end his first high school relationship in a very typical fashion. If it wasn't for the fact that his friends were all keeping their distance because he'd lost them such a talented singer, Kurt would be perfectly happy with the situation. As is, he's bored as hell.

Giving up on finding something to do, Kurt decides to go find Finn. Maybe he should give in about the xbox. He'd been watching the other glee guys play for months, so he's reasonably sure he could handle it. Just as he's about to walk down the hall, Kurt hears his phone chime with a text.

Cheering internally that he'll get to put off his foray into pixelated mayhem for a little longer, Kurt picks the phone back up but pouts at the text.

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Can I ask you a question?_**

Sighing, Kurt types out a quick response and sets the phone back down, heading for the door again. He barely makes it three steps before he's stopped by another chime. And then another. _What the hell?_

 _ **Me:** _**_You have the wrong number._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _No, I don't._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _How long after a break up do you have to wait before asking someone out?_**

Staring at the phone for probably longer than necessary, Kurt sits back down and types out,

 ** _Me:_ _Uh, well I guess that depends._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _On...?_**

 ** _Me:_ _Were you the one that just got out of a relationship? How long were the people involved together? How long has it been since they broke up? Are they male or female? Are you yourself male or female? How old are they? I could go on, but most of those things matter._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Well damn. That requires waaay too much effort._**

 ** _Me:_ _Yes, well, relationships tend to do that. Also, who the hell are you? And how did you get my number?_**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Oh, I can't answer that. That would be telling._**

 ** _Me:_ _Yes it would. It would also be less creepy than a random person asking me for relationship advice. Besides, I'm clearly not the person to ask._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Y_ _ou made a relationship work way longer than I ever have. Sure, it crashed and burned, but hey, no ones perfect, right? =D_**

 ** _Me:_ _I can't decide if you're trying to be nice, and you suck at it, or if you're trying to be an ass and you're good at it._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Ass. I'm def better with ass._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Being one, that is._**

 ** _Me:_ _Sure. That's what you meant._**

 ** _Me:_ _No really, who is this?_**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _I'm batman. Stop asking questions, that's my job. Okay, let's say for arguments sake that it's them that broke up. They are male and in high school, as am I. They dated... uh I dunno... months, and they broke up like two weeks ago. So how long before I ask him?_**

Kurt frowns. That's hitting a little too close to home. He and Blaine had dated more than 'months' probably entails and they'd only broken up a week ago... but still... Debating for a second, Kurt responds with,

 ** _Me:_ _Uh... you're creeping me out now. I don't date stalkers, for the record._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Who said anything about it being you? I haven't even confirmed that I know who you are._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Btw, I totally know who you are._**

 ** _Me:_ _Well bully for you._**

It's only after he's sent the last message that he realizes who could be texting him. He sends off another text, really hoping he's wrong.

 ** _Me:_ _uh... Yogi?_**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _That's a terrible nickname. I don't even like picnics. Although I am fond of the idea of calling you BooBoo._**

 ** _Me:_ _so... you're not Yogi?_**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _um... no? Who/what is Yogi?_**

Trying to be diplomatic, in case it is Dave and he's just a liar on top of a bully, Kurt answers with,

 ** _Me:_ _The guy who stole my first kiss. Ran into him not that long ago, was just making sure he hadn't taken up stalking in his spare time._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Nope. I've def never kissed you._**

 ** _Me:_ _Oh, good. That narrows it down to you not being one of 3 people. Only about 7 billion to go. And you've yet to deny that you're stalking me._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _3? that's kind of sad. But no, I'm not. I just needed your advice._**

 ** _Me:_ _What's sad is I only enjoyed 1 of em. The other two were just uncomfortable, for very different reasons. Well, my advice is, if it hasn't been very long, and they were together for months, he probably needs more time. Try to be there for him, maybe drop very heavy hints that you're interested in him, but let him know you'll wait. Just don't pull back so far that someone else cuts in front of you._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Ok, sounds good. Beats the hell out of embarrassing myself._**

 ** _Me:_ _Glad I could help? Now if only I had any idea who I was helping. Why even come to me about this? Don't you have friends?_**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Not smart ones. I haven't known the people near me for very long and I don't trust the people I DO know very much. And I asked you bc you're fairly similar to the guy I like, at least morally._**

 ** _Me:_ _Are you implying you have substandard morals? Maybe you shouldn't ask him out at all?_**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _I've made a few bad decisions in the past... plus I've never had a real relationship. Not one that mattered. (elementary school doesn't count right?)_**

 ** _Me:_ _(no it doesn't) ah, well I'm here if you need a moral compass or whatever. I'm hardly busy. In fact I'm so bored I almost resorted to video games for entertainment._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Oh, that I would love to see._**

 ** _Me:_ _*glare* I'll have you know that I'm really good at Mario kart. I just haven't delved into the trauma that is xbox live yet... my brother has been trying to get me to play call of duty for months._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Lmao oh I can tell you exactly how that would go. I'd give it two weeks before he was posting vids on YouTube of you losing your shit._**

 ** _Me:_ _Heh, well maybe I'll just scream in french and ruin his fun then. Won't be funny enough to post if no one understands what I'm saying._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Hey, SOME people speak french. Maybe he can hire someone to translate it._**

 ** _Me:_ _I love the boy, but he's not that smart._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Well, on that note, I need to take a shower, so I'm out._**

 ** _Me:_ _Bah. Without your riveting conversation I'll be bored again. I guess I can just go to sleep. At least it's after 9 now. 8 was just sad._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _9:30 isn't really better, Booboo._**

 ** _Me:_ _O god. You're not really going to start calling me Booboo are you? Trust me, I'm not a bear. Small or otherwise._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _LOL I know you're not, I know who you are remember? You're the one that's in the dark._**

 ** _Me:_ _I'm not actually sure that's true. You could think I'm someone I'm not. Maybe you got the numbers switched when you dialed? It can't be that hard to find a teenage boy fresh from a break up, with morals._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _True. Maybe we'll save name swaps for next time. Or I could keep calling you Booboo. Guess which one gets my vote?_**

 ** _Me:_ _I think I'm leaning toward you having the wrong number. I can only think of like 3 people who would actually call me that. One of which is a lesbian and you're just not as mean as she is. And you've already said you're not Yogi._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _And the third?_**

 ** _Me:_ _Would have no reason whatsoever to text me... unless he was gloating._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _gloating?_**

 ** _Me:_ _He was trying to steal my boyfriend. I broke up with that bf and then basically chased him right into his arms. I'm not exactly sad over the loss but the fact that the guy in question won? Yeah, not happy about that. Plus I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't want to date someone seriously, and if he did, he wouldn't ask me for help with it. That would imply I know things he doesn't._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Wow. Sounds like a real prize, that guy._**

 ** _Me:_ _Lol right? I feel sorry for anyone who actually falls for his particular brand of smarm. Actually, I take that back. I really hope Blaine ends up falling for it. After the shit he pulled with me, they deserve each other._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Oh shit! You're not Blaine?! =O_**

Before Kurt can start to freak out, let alone answer him, he gets another text,

 _ **Unknown Number:** _**_Kidding! Kidding! God, I wish I could see your face right now._**

 ** _Me:_ _Asshole! Lol no, you really don't, otherwise you'd be within hitting distance._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Oh, I'm pretty sure I could take you, Booboo._**

 ** _Me:_ _Damn, you're a jock aren't you? *glare*_**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Lacrosse =P_**

 ** _Me:_ _That's the one with sticks, right? Well, at least I know you don't go to my school. (no lacrosse team) I was starting to get worried this was Puck being an ass. But frankly the lack of 'txting lik dis' is also a pretty big tipping point. That and I blocked his number._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Which one is Puck? I'm assuming he's in nude erections bc you people don't have other friends, right?_**

 ** _Me:_ _Really? Nude Erections? and hey! I have other friends!_**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Name one._**

 ** _Me:_ _… Jeff._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Isn't he a warbler? Name one that doesn't sing in show choir._**

 ** _Me:_ _… shut up. And for the record, Puck is the one with a mohawk. Thought you had to go?_**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _Shit! Later! I'll txt you to let you know how it goes. Kind of nice to have someone to talk to that isn't a moron!_**

 ** _Me:_ _What a GLOWING description of me. Thank you so much. Good luck with your guy._**

 ** _Unknown Number:_ _;D_**

Kurt shakes his head, walking over to put his phone on the charger. Before he puts it down though, he decides to save the number. At the very least he needs to know it's not a random person if he does decide to text again. Deciding to deal with Finn when he's more awake, Kurt climbs into bed and turns the light off. He falls asleep trying to figure out who that was and if they'll really text him again.

* * *

A few days before Thanksgiving, Kurt gets his answer. It had been a couple weeks and he'd mostly managed to forget about the random texting session. After dinner he goes up to his room to finish his homework only to see an unread message.

 _ **Not Yogi: So, that was possibly the worst meal of my life. And I'm forced to go to kiss-ass political dinners!**_

Laughing, Kurt replies right away, leaning against his headboard.

 _ **Me: o no! Lol what happened?**_

 _ **Not Yogi: He SAID he was over the break up, and that he'd go out with me, and we did. I took him to dinner... but he spent the whole time talkin about his ex and whining about how it wasn't fair, didn't he know they belonged together?! Bur bur bur. I stopped listening after the first 20 fucking minutes.**_

 _ **Me: LOL aww! I'm so sorry. Maybe give it more time? Although it sounds like it'll take awhile for him to recover or they'll end up back together.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Uh, I doubt they'll get back together. The other guy seems to not care, like at all. Moved on within like 5 minutes near as I can tell. Makes me wonder what really happened when they broke up. Somehow I think the side of the story I got left some things out.**_

 _ **Me: Probably, most guys don't like to admit when they did something stupid or wrong. God only knows what Blaine is telling people about our breakup.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Lol don't suppose you'll tell me what actually happened so I can at least set rumors straight if I hear them? =P**_

 _ **Me: Sure! Maybe you'll screw up and I'll hear about someone going around knowing the whole story, because I haven't told anyone else, so I'd def know who it was =)**_

 _ **Not Yogi: nvm... You could tell me anyway and I'll just not tell anyone? =D**_

 _ **Me: lol honestly it's not that surprising how it all fell apart, but it IS personal. I don't know you, you won't tell me who you are, why should I tell you something that could potentially embarrass me if it got out?**_

 _ **Not Yogi: ...bc I want you to?**_

 _ **Me: O, well in that case... *rolls eyes***_

 _ **Not Yogi: um... I'd send you an embarrassing picture of me or something to keep as blackmail but then you'd know who I am... so that's a no. uh... oh come on! You said it wasn't surprising, would it really be that bad if other people DID find out? What could I possibly do with the information?**_

 _ **Me: Tell everyone ever... and no, not really. It's just... it's about sex and the last thing I want is everyone finding out details about my sex life.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: uh... no offense intended (not right now anyway) but... what sex life? You couldn't look more virgin-esque if you wore all white and tied bows in your hair.**_

 _ **Me: Omg. Thank you so much. I'm so glad you didn't mean that offensively. Jesus.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Lol sorry! But it's true! If you've had sex, my name is Susan.**_

 _ **Me: Only Susan I know is Britt, so I guess you have me there. Although I'm not sure I do know you... have we ever actually met or are you just a creeper who somehow knows all about my life without actually being a part of it?**_

 _ **Not Yogi: We've met... we even had a conversation once! But no, I don't really know you that well. And what I do know I found out through a mutual friend. The one time we talked it wasn't the deep soul searching kind. Frankly you're just kind of infamous in Lima. The first gay and all that. Which isn't fair, I'm sure I was out before you were, I just didn't live here at the time. =(**_

 _ **Me: Well, sorry, you can't have my crown. Or my scepter.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: … you totally have a crown and a scepter don't you?**_

 _ **Me: Yes.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: That should surprise me more than it does... Be glad I don't actually know where you live, or I'd come for them. One of these days, they'll mysteriously disappear, and you'll know... I found you.**_

 _ **Me: Thanks for the warning, now I need to get an alarm or something. I went through great personal trauma for that crown, I'm not about to let it get stolen. However, if you tell me your name I'll let you take a picture wearing it. I'll even let you borrow the kilt so that we'll match.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: ...what?**_

 _ **Me: Nothing. lol All I'm going to say on the subject of our break up was that he suddenly decided he WAS ready to have sex, but it didn't really have anything to do with things like 'loving me' or 'wanting me'. Toss in a little drunken groping with a side of NO MEANS NO and you've got one failed relationship.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Whoa lol ok, yeah, I doubt that's the version he's telling.**_

 _ **Me: Somehow I doubt it, yeah. He's probably making me out to be oversensitive and judgy or something. Whatevs. He's officially not my problem anymore. Now I can just stand back and wait for the hordes of gay men that were waiting on me to be single. No really. I'll wait.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Lol if there are hordes of gay men in Lima, Ohio and I've missed them, I'm going to be really upset. Unless your type is a 40 yr old drag queen, you're pretty much out of luck. Hardly anyone is out around here.**_

 _ **Me: O trust me, I'm aware. For a long time I was the only gay person I knew. Then I met Blaine, found out about Yogi, and Santana was shoved out of her closet. I've recently met a few more but really, no one I'd date. I still can't figure out who you are. I must not have known you were gay... =(**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Nu uh, no fishing for clues. I'm not responding to that at all. Is Santana the cheerleader from the commercial? I heard something about how she hadn't actually been out and that guy was just a dick about it. I didn't know you were friends.**_

 _ **Me: Well, friends is a strong word. We're in glee together. She's like Puck. One of the popular kids that puts up with us weirdos.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Ah. Well, who knows? Maybe someone at your school will come out now that you're single. No reason to come out if the guy you like is taken, etc. Esp with Blaine gone, you could very well have guys popping up out of the woodwork to confess.**_

 _ **Me: Somehow I doubt it. I've actually never had someone confess to me, unless Blaine counts. Which it shouldn't, I liked him first and it took him months to decide I was date-able.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Uh what about the other 2 ppl you kissed?**_

 _ **Me: One was a girl who just wanted to kiss every guy in the school and Yogi didn't like me, I don't think. He was just confused and very, very mad.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: That sucks. Still, just because guys haven't admitted to liking you doesn't mean no one does. We've already said no one is out here.**_

 _ **Me: Heh, I really don't think that's the problem. I'm not exactly the type of guy people drool over. Doesn't matter. Soon enough I'll be in New York and I'll either find someone there or be so busy that I don't notice my lack of man.**_

There's a very long pause before he gets a response, which is weird because usually the other boy answers right away.

 _ **Not Yogi: I didn't know you were going to New York next year, college?**_

 _ **Me: Yep! I applied for NYADA.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: And?**_

 _ **Me: And what? I haven't been accepted yet or anything, it's only November.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: No, where else did you apply? Just NY schools or did you leave some Ohio ones for backups?**_

 _ **Me: Oh, just NYADA. That's the one I'm going to. If I apply somewhere else, it's like admitting that I might not get in. Don't want to jinx it.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: … are you an idiot?**_

 _ **Me: What? It's a perfectly valid decision! Rachel and I did it together.**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Wow, you really are that stupid huh?**_

Kurt glares at the phone.

 _ **Me: I'm not stupid just because I refuse to admit defeat. I'll get into NYADA, so it doesn't matter. Why waste money on application fees?**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Nope. Sorry. I was only talking to you because I thought you had a higher IQ than the average moron around here, apparently I was wrong.**_

 _ **Me: Screw you, jerk! You don't know anything about me!**_

 _ **Not Yogi: Clearly.**_

Glaring at the phone again, Kurt throws it down on his bed and grabs his messenger bag, deciding to go do his homework in the living room. _What the hell was that? Just because I'm set on my school, he called me stupid? Screw him! I_ _ **will**_ _get into NYADA._

Sitting in the floor in front of the coffee table, Kurt spreads out the few homework assignments he'd been given. He's on break for Thanksgiving so it wasn't much. He'd just finished his French translation when Burt comes in.

"Hey, kiddo. Will you be bothered if I watch tv?" Getting nothing but a shrug in return he asks, "You okay? What's wrong?"

Kurt glares at his notebook for a few more seconds before turning around. "If I told you that a friend of mine only applied to one college, because it's the only one they want to go to and they're sure they'll get in, what would you say?"

Burt laughs, "That it's stupid." At his son's dumbfounded look, he shrugs. "Nothing is guaranteed, Kurt. Even if they 'knew' they were getting in, until you get that paper saying 'congrats!' you never know what will happen. If you want to go to college, you have to apply multiple places. It sounds like they don't care very much, and would rather stay home than go anywhere else but that one school. Actually, most high schools, at least the good ones, require you to apply to at least three places if you apply to any."

Staring down at his hands, Kurt admits, "I only applied to NYADA."

Burt frowns, "What?! Are you crazy? That school only accepts like 50 kids a year, right?"

"20." Kurt admits, a sinking feeling in his stomach. "Do you think they won't pick me?"

Burt waves his arms, "Not because you're not good enough, but you never know how they pick people, Kurt! What if they have a legacy thing, where alumni can get in friends or family? What if they're shady and take bribes? I'm not saying you won't get in, you probably will, but just in case, you need to apply to other places!"

Biting his lip, Kurt nods. "Yeah... I guess so. I'm going back up to my room to look into more colleges and stuff in New York. See when the deadlines are."

Burt picks up the remote, watching Kurt pack his stuff up. "Sure thing, buddy. Let me know if I can do anything to help."

Smiling, Kurt takes his stuff back up to his room. He sits down at his desk, turning on his laptop, resolutely ignoring the phone still thrown onto his bed.


	2. Chapter 2

A week and a half later, Kurt finally gives in and pulls up the contact in his phone. Stalling for a few extra seconds, he changes the name again. Fed up with himself and his procrastination, he flops back on his bed and starts typing.

 _ **Me: Okay, you were right. I'm an idiot. I applied to 3 more programs/colleges. Feel free to gloat.**_

It only takes a few seconds to get the ever-prompt response.

 _ **His Royal Smugness: LOL I knew it! You're NOT as stupid as you sounded! What colleges?**_

 _ **Me: Ugh. I knew you'd be smug about this. The standards I guess... NYU, Marymount, and Parsons. I barely caught the deadlines... so thanks for being a jerk I guess.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Anytime =D**_

 _ **Me: Moving on, how was your Thanksgiving?**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Uneventful. My family doesn't get into it much. We had a family dinner, my older sister came in to visit, we didn't even eat turkey. We aren't quite on the bucket of fried chicken or chinese food level, but we don't go all out.**_

 _ **Me: O lol Yeah, no. My dad goes all out. Esp now that we have a 'real family'. Carole's sister comes with her family and Carole cooks a huge dinner, Dad and Finn watch the game. It's very stereotypical.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Sounds boring as hell.**_

 _ **Me: It really is. But I smile and nod. It's not like I won't want that one day with my own family, and I'm glad Dad is happy. So whatevs.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Well, that's just fantastically uninteresting. How has the rest of your week been?**_

 _ **Me: Mind numbing. Our glee club is going through a huge drama (or 4) and we're smack in the middle of trying to figure out what to do now that Blaine has run back to the hive.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Lol You were once part of the hive weren't you?**_

 _ **Me: Dear god, don't remind me. I still have nightmares about wearing a blazer I can't get out of (like a straight jacket) and a tie that does nothing but tighten when I try to take it off.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: You're such a drama queen. Lol It couldn't have been THAT bad.**_

 _ **Me: No, it really could. They hated me there.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Uh? I thought you were still friends with them? You said Jeff was your friend.**_

 ** _Me: Well, I still keep in contact with_** ** _a few of them_** ** _, Jeff and Nick mostly. Thad always hated me. I think Wes thought I was weird, but he liked to watch me... like a tropical bird with pretty feathers. Interesting, but don't try to befriend it. I liked Trent but that was mostly because his reactions were hysterical. I'm pretty sure Blaine won all of them in the divorce though._**

 _ **His Royal Smugness: *snort* Probably. So what ARE you guys going to do about sectionals? Luckily you won't actually have to face off against the teen dream.**_

 _ **Me: Ok, what the hell?! How do you know who we're facing? And please tell me you didn't just refer to Blaine because of Katy Pery.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: I'll let you in on a secret... I'm in show choir too! It's how I met you, sort of. And no, I totally did. The mutual friend I told you about (he's a warbler) told me all about your googoo eyes the first time you set eyes on the boy wonder.**_

 _ **Me: That's the best news I've heard all day. I'm going to go climb under a rock now.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Aww lol Don't worry, I won't judge you too much for being into overly gelled gnomes with bow ties.**_

 _ **Me: *glare* Why do I talk to you?**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Because I'm awesome?**_

 _ **Me: Nope, that's def not it.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Because you're sad and lonely?**_

 _ **Me: *sigh* getting warmer.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Because there's literally not any other damn thing to do here? Besides have sex, but we've already established that you don't do that.**_

 _ **Me: Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Also, shut up. I'll have sex one day... probably when I'm in my late twenties.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Lol Are you seriously planning to hold out that long? Fuck that.**_

 _ **Me: Hold out? I thought we established that I'm sad and lonely? It's more 'find someone willing' than 'holding out'.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: *blink* You are fucking kidding me right? You're not going to have trouble finding a guy that's willing to fuck you, dude.**_

 _ **Me: Uhh... *looks around, even checking under the bed* Sorry, I must have missed that hidden guy that actually finds me attractive. I've been looking for him, thought I found him, but it's like Where's Waldo. I was so sure that Blaine was him, but I didn't notice that his hair wasn't poofed and he didn't have the hat. So close.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Lol totally gonna start calling Blaine 'Waldo' now. At least in my head. Not out loud. Because then he might mention some really sexy guy calling him Waldo to you and it would all be for naught.**_

 _ **Me: Damn! You almost fell for it. So you're sexy huh? Must be nice. Ugh. I'm turning into one of those people that has to have a man to feel good about themselves and I really hate that.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Lol You're so deluded. Why the hell do you think you're not sexy?**_

 _ **Me: Um, maybe because every guy I've ever been attracted to has either hinted at or flat out told me I'm not? Granted, some of those were straight guys, so they have an excuse, but the only two openly gay boys I've ever talked to have made it very clear that at best, I'm not their type.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Uh, what? One of those guys is Blaine right...?**_

 _ **Me: lol O, you didn't hear that part from your warbler? Before we started dating Blaine told me I wasn't sexy. Said my sexy faces look like gas pains or something. Imagine my surprise when he kissed me a few weeks later. I really should have seen this breakup coming.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Woooow. That's super douchey! And that's coming from ME! (I take great pleasure in being underhandedly insulting to people)**_

 _ **Me: Yeah. Well, at least Blaine didn't say it maliciously. He was trying to help me with performances. Sebastian just looked at me like I was everything wrong with the world. Good times.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Wasn't he trying to sleep with your bf? Maybe he just didn't like the competition?**_

 _ **Me: O no, he seems like the type that would love competition. He probably enjoys the chase just as much as the sex at the end. Not that I know him very well, we've only spoken a few times. Besides, it's not like I blame him.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: What does that mean? If he was really giving you looks like that, why not blame him?**_

 _ **Me: Well I was just as bad as he was that day. Ugh, I hate the person I became around Blaine. It's why I'm not super upset about the breakup. I loved Blaine, I probably always will a little, but I just turned into this total basket case around him.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: um... like how?**_

 _ **Me: IDK, I'm just different with him. Because he likes the spotlight so much I had to get used to taking the backseat. It turned me into this jealous uptight nightmare. And for the record- I really hate the backseat.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Really? I LOVE the backseat. There's so much more room to move ;)**_

 _ **Me: lol shut up. I just mean that with Blaine I always felt like I had to defend. Defend my solos, defend my opinions, defend my bf. He was just so... flattered by Seb (not typing his long ass name anymore) that it made me feel like a troll. Yes, he's hot, but do you have to pant after him with me sitting RIGHT THERE?**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: So Seb's hot huh? Do you even have a type? I heard that you got in trouble at school for liking a jock, then you dated Blaine, now Seb is hot... what the hell dude?**_

 _ **Me: Lol no really, shut up. The first crush was poor judgment. He was nice to me in a very rough time. Now he's my brother and that's all I see him as.**_

 _ **Me: Blaine was... perfect. He was everything I wanted to be. He was confident, comfortable around other guys, and an amazing performer. The first time I saw him he had the entire school eating out of his hand. And this was during a time that I was getting terrorized at school. It seemed like too good to be true. Which I guess he was.**_

 _ **Me: Seb is just... hot. There's not much else to say. He's an ass, and clearly he's only out to have sex. He's the gay Puck, which is fine. I don't have a bf he can steal anymore, and like I said, they deserve each other. Maybe if Blaine gets used for sex for all the wrong reasons he'll understand how crappy he made me feel. *end rant***_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: lol yeah, tell me how you really feel, babe. But a couple things, one- your crush is your brother now?! Lmao! You poor bastard! Two- Blaine's an idiot. Him treating you like something convenient to ditch his virginity with is super shitty. And three- I thought you said you didn't know Seb? How do you know he's only out to have sex?**_

 _ **Me: I'm skipping the first two because I've already expressed my feelings on both. As for Seb, I don't know him... but he was clearly trying to get with Blaine while we were still together. Somehow I don't think he wanted to play pictionary.**_

 _ **His Royal Smugness: Lol fair enough. But for the record, speaking for all of us gay men out there, you're attractive. There are a lot of different types of attractive, hot, sexy, cute, pretty, handsome. You fit under cute and pretty, with a possible option for sexy, but I haven't seen you in a situation where you would have been trying to be sexy, so I'm not sure. But srsly, finding someone to fuck you? That WON'T be a problem when you know more than 3 gay guys. You probably just aren't their type. I'm sure you know guys that are attractive but that you wouldn't date even if they came on to you. (Seb much?)**_

 _ **Me: If you say so. Moving on?**_

* * *

Soon after Kurt admits he was wrong, he finds himself texting his new friend more than all of his 'real' friends combined. Way more than he'd ever texted Blaine. He learns more about the guy bit by bit and soon is talking to him every day, usually about the most random things. His contact name changes frequently as their relationship evolves, mainly because the boy still refuses to tell Kurt who he is, despite Kurt asking at least once every few days.

 _ **Me: Sectionals is saved!**_

 _ **Possibly Sexy: Oh? Do tell!**_

 _ **Me: One of our members from last year came back! He moved away with his family but Finn tracked him down. He's living with us now, because he has little siblings so his family couldn't just pack up. Woot! We're having extra rehearsals to rework everything with him.**_

 _ **Possibly Sexy: Awesome! Maybe we'll face off at regionals? Who knows, maybe by then I'll even tell you who I am! (don't count on it) So if I was to look up your competition videos from last year which guy would now be living with you?**_

 _ **Me: Why does it sound so... porny... when you say it?**_

 _ **Possibly Sexy: Because you're projecting? Something to share with the class, Booboo?**_

 _ **Me: Shut up. And he's the blonde.**_

 _ **Possibly Sexy: Hang on, searching.**_

 _ **Possibly Sexy: LMAO Those are some LIPS. Is he gay? Is he staying in your room? Can you share?**_

 _ **Me: OMG shut up! No, no and NO. … but yes, the lips are memorable.**_

 _ **Possibly Sexy: Hahahaha I really hope I've ruined your friendship with him now.**_

 _ **Me: Hard to do. Once you've seen someone in shiny gold underwear and been taught how to do a stripper roll, your friendship is pretty solid.**_

 _ **Possibly Sexy: WHAT?!**_

* * *

After sectionals, Kurt gets a new round of texts before the auditorium is even cleared.

 _ **Lip Lover: I totally get the stripper roll reference now.**_

 _ **Lip Lover: Did Lips teach you those moves?**_

 _ **Lip Lover: I can't believe your teacher let you do that.**_

 _ **Lip Lover: You should have seen Blaine's face! I purposely sat where I could see him. He looked like he wanted to climb on the stage and wrap you in a muumuu.**_

 _ **Lip Lover: Btw, I totally called it. You can def be sexy when you want to. ;)**_

 _ **Me: LOL Thanks? Not sure I believe you, but I tried. Sam did most of the choreography, which I'm sure Blaine would have never allowed if he was still here. He also did a much better job of teaching me to be sexy than Blaine did. He laughed himself silly at the faces I tried to make because of Blaine's 'teaching'.**_

 _ **Lip Lover: You let Blaine Anderson try to teach you to be sexy? No wonder you came across as a milkmaid! He's almost as 'innocent blushing bride' as you are, babe. Of course Lips did better!**_

 _ **Me: Lol Well, I'm glad you approve. And I don't really care what Blaine was doing. He left without speaking to me, so I'm good. YOU however, should have congratulated me! Are you ever going to tell me who you are, or just creep on me forever? D=**_

 _ **Lip Lover: Oh, look at that! My ride is leaving. Gotta go.**_

 _ **Me: YOU DROVE YOURSELF!**_

 _ **Lip Lover: What's your point? Txt ya after dinner! Gonna be driving!**_

* * *

Most of the texts were about random, friend type things:

 _ **Creeper: What the fuck is a VHS tape?**_

 _ **Me: lmao It's basically a dvd but from the 90's. Why?**_

 _ **Creeper: That's what my mom wants for Christmas. We have a bunch of home movies that are on VHS and she wants them converted. I don't even know how the hell to do that.**_

 _ **Me: There's probably a place in Columbus that does it. Hang on, I'll google it.**_

 _ **Creeper: Woot! You're the best.**_

* * *

 _ **Me: My friends are assholes.**_

 _ **Non-Hipster: Lol What did they do now?**_

 _ **Me: We exchanged secret santa gifts today. I got Tina a lovely skull and crossbones brooch. Someone (we didn't reveal ourselves) gave me a Disney Princess Popcorn tin!**_

 _ **Non-Hipster: LMAO Omg! That's amazing. Send me a picture!**_

 _ **Me: Hatechu.**_

* * *

 _ **Me: GRRR!**_

 _ **Non-Hipster: Uh oh. What's up?**_

 _ **Me: I really do need new friends. Ever since I moved in with Finn (and now Sam) I've felt a distinct lack of privacy. They (and Puck) run into my room whenever they feel like it, never knock and apparently go in there when I'm not home.**_

 _ **Non-Hipster: Sure sure. (they're boys... duh?)**_

 _ **Me: (shut up.) So I bought a new doorknob. One for a front door, and I installed it. Now you need a key to get into my room if it's locked, not just a tiny screwdriver.**_

 _ **Non-Hipster: Ok, I don't blame you. So what's got you all growly?**_

 _ **Me: See! THAT! You didn't immediately fall down of shock that I knew what a screwdriver was or could install something myself!**_

 _ **Non-Hipster: uh... I need more here, babe.**_

 _ **Me: All three of them (Finn, Sam and Puck) acted like it was just SO unbelievable that I could use tools and make anything other than a huge mess. UGH. I've worked in my dad's garage since I was 10 for christ's sake!**_

 _ **Non-Hipster: Lol surely they knew that? (about the garage, hell, even I knew it)**_

 _ **Me: They did! I guess they thought I was just standing around looking pretty or that I stuck to office work. Ugh. Hate men.**_

 _ **Non-Hipster: Hey!**_

 _ **Me: Ok, I hate boys. You can be a man, so I can just hate them. Because they are acting like CHILDREN.**_

 _ **Non-Hipster: Woot! I'm a man! I've got to go tell my mom!**_

 _ **Me: You totally just ran off to tell your mom didn't you? Don't worry, just txt me when you get back. Idiot. Lol**_

…

 _ **Non-Hipster: MANLY idiot. Now, can we discuss your proficiency in knobs? ;)**_

* * *

Every now and then, Kurt would find himself being flirted with and would flirt back without really thinking about it. When the other boy had first started referring to Kurt as attractive he'd shrugged it off as him being nice, or trying to make Kurt feel better. But after sectionals, the flirting had gotten a little bit harder to ignore.

 _ **Manly Idiot: I'm bored.**_

 _ **Me: Lol Awww. I'm sorry. Personally, I'm annoyed. My house is so freaking loud atm. Finn and Sam have Puck, Mike and Artie over since we started xmas hols. They're playing xbox, and throwing stuff at each other. So I'm hiding. I don't expect it to last much longer. Sam at least will hunt me down eventually. =(**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: lol I'm still not sure Sam isn't trying to get in your pants.**_

 _ **Me: *rolls eyes* He's really not. Sam is straight. They're all straight. Which isn't fair. Because I'm a gay virgin in an unsupervised house with 5 reasonably attractive-very hot guys and not a single one of them wants me. Porn has lied to me.**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: LOL It's still funny to me that you're new to porn.**_

 _ **Me: Ah, the joys of youth. It was one thing to not like it when I was 16 and didn't even know how sex really worked. Oh, how quickly that changed. Although I still probably don't watch as much as most guys.**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: Def not as much as I do ;)**_

 _ **Me: Safe bet. You're a total pervert.**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: Aww! Thanks, babe! But no, srsly, keep an eye on Sam. I don't trust him. *shifty eyes***_

 _ **Me: Lol You're ridiculous.**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: Come on! I can believe that one guy can live with you and not make a move, but two? Nope. He's molesting you in your sleep or something.**_

 _ **Me: *sigh* Are you off your meds?**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: Lol Anyway, I would assume Finn was too, but clearly if he'd wanted you, he could have had you.**_

 _ **Me: LOL So could Sam, trust me.**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: Hey! None of that!**_

 _ **Me: Uh, why? Srsly, you've said yourself that he's hot. And it's not like it matters, he's not gay!**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: He doesn't have to be! (and I'm not so sure he's not) He just has to find tiny hips and bright eyes attractive enough to not care! =(**_

 _ **Me: ya know, you really aren't allowed to play the jealous bf when we aren't dating. Esp when you won't TELL ME YOUR NAME.**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: Ugh. Not this again. I can't tell you! You'll hate me!**_

 _ **Me: I won't hate you! You're one of my best friends at this point.**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: *deadpan* That's hot.**_

 _ **Me: This is ridiculous! I thought you said you were sexy?**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: I am! It's just... you didn't seem into me at all when we met. And I know you a lot better now than I did then, you WON'T like me.**_

 _ **Me: UGH. You have a choice to make. Tell me your name so that we can at least meet for real, or stop getting jealous when I talk about other guys. It's not fair that you know who I am, can see me all the time (through facebook if nothing else. I smell you, creeper.) but I can't know anything about what you look like or where you go to school or anything.**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: *sigh* I get it. But it's really not fair to me either. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you wouldn't like me. I'm more sure of this than you are of NYADA, and you were willing to risk your whole career on that. PLEASE let it go. I'll stop bugging you about other guys. Just don't shut me out.**_

 _ **Me: I won't, like I said, you're one of my best friends... and it's not like it matters about other guys. Sam IS straight. So is everyone else. Or at least they pretend to be when I'm around =P**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: Lol trust me, with that ass, they HAVE to be straight to have not copped a feel. I never got a chance, I was too stupid and wrapped up in the dinner-from-hell guy. =(**_

 _ **Me: Poor baby, you didn't get to molest someone you didn't even know. How is this you NOT being a stalker?**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: I never said I wasn't a stalker. I've accepted that about myself. Btw, your hair is sticking up in the back, you may want to straighten it before Sam comes in.**_

 _ **Me: … you're lying. You're not really out there.**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: Lol Then why did you check?**_

 _ **Me: ?! Are you really outside?**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: No. Get away from the window.**_

 _ **Me: OMG! You can't have my crown! It's MINE!**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: Lmao oh come on! The closet is the first place I'd look!**_

 _ **Me: HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS?! I'M ON THE SECOND FLOOR!**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: I'm in a tree with binoculars. That or I'm laying on my bed and I just know you too fucking well. Either/or.**_

 _ **Me: Hmph. We need to talk less.**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: Probably true. But then you'd be playing xbox... so...**_

 _ **Me: Bring on the stalker!**_

 _ **Manly Idiot: LOL**_

* * *

 _ **ItsNotEasyBeingGreen: Just to be clear, I'm still allowed to talk about your ass right? ;)**_

 _ **Me: LOL sure. Just don't get pissed off when I start talking about Puck's arms, Sam's abs, or Seb's smirk.**_

 _ **ItsNotEasyBeingGreen: Lol you total slut! Did you really have to name THREE guys?**_

 _ **Me: Yes. I really did. Lol you have to get over the jealousy thing. That or come up to me at a competition and kiss me. Either of those works.**_

 _ **ItsNotEasyBeingGreen: Ok, but if someone kisses you at regionals, make sure it's me before you head off to the bathroom or something ;)**_

 _ **Me: lol will do.**_

* * *

Wondering how he was going to survive the night, Kurt stays mostly hidden behind his dad, hoping no one will notice him. Finn and Rachel, and the rest of the glee club, were shooting a Christmas special. Kurt was also supposed to be in it, but with Finn and Rachel hosting, Finn had weaseled out of coming. Kurt wasn't so lucky. He'd been cornered and guilted by Burt into coming to the first political dinner that the new congressman had to attend.

Looking around the room, Kurt tries to find absolutely anyone else within five years of his age. When he finally does, he jolts and almost knocks his dad over in his attempt to hide behind him further. _Oh god. That's the last thing I need, to have a verbal sparring match with Sebastian Smythe over cocktails and political stances._

Panicking slightly, he leans in to whisper to his dad. "Hey, I came to this, I even wore the most boring suit I own, you owe me."

Giving a polite smile to the person he was talking to, Burt turns to his son to hiss quietly, "Fine! What do you want?"

Nodding his head in Sebastian's direction, Kurt whispers, "Stay as far away from that guy as possible. If he sees me I make no promises to not end up on the news. He may very well be dating Blaine and I'm just not dealing with that."

Looking somewhat startled, Burt glances over at the tall, bored young man his son has indicated and nods. "Sure, kiddo. Let's head over to that corner."

Burt makes their excuses to the pompous looking couple he had been talking to and leads Carole away by the arm. When he finds a new couple to talk to, as far away from Sebastian as he can, Kurt steps a few feet away to lean against the wall behind a potted plant. After making sure that his dad knows where he is, he double checks that he's well hidden but can keep an eye on Sebastian. Figuring that he should be fine there for awhile, Kurt pulls out his phone.

 _ **Me: Ugh! Screw this whole day.**_

 _ **Stalker: Lol what now? I promise you're not having a worse time than I am.**_

 _ **Me: O, don't be so sure. But you first, just in case I have to lie and embellish to make it worse.**_

 _ **Stalker: Lol I'm stuck 'having dinner' with my parents. I haven't actually seen either of them in a good 20 minutes, but they still like to drag me out like a show pony.**_

 _ **Me: Aww lol poor baby. What do you mean 'having dinner'?**_

When he doesn't get a response within a minute, Kurt starts to wonder if he's somehow crossed a line. Considering the numerous and often inappropriate topics of their previous discussions, he somehow doubts it. _Maybe his parents showed back up?_

Figuring he'd take this chance to look around, he notices that his dad hasn't moved but is talking to different people. When he glances around the potted plant, he sees that Sebastian is standing now, making seemingly polite small talk with an uptight looking man. Instead of looking bored like he had earlier, he looks like he's barely keeping a check on his temper. Kurt wonders vaguely what he's mad about before settling back against the wall. About 30 seconds later he gets a text.

 _ **Stalker: Sorry! Having to make small talk is the worst.**_

 _ **Me: np. I'm just bored. Small talk with who? Thought your parents were MIA?**_

 _ **Stalker: Oh, they are. It was some random guy my dad works with, or something. I wasn't really listening. Luckily he was called away.**_

 _ **Me: Well that's good. Now you're all mine! Trust me, I need the distraction. Quick! Say something funny!**_

Deciding to check to see if Sebastian was going to make a scene, he leans out as soon as he hits send, hoping to buy himself a few seconds. If Smythe **is** making a scene he doesn't want to miss it. Instead, he's disappointed to see that the man has moved on and Sebastian is sitting down frowning at his phone. _Huh. That sucks. I was hoping something interesting would happen. I'm never coming to one of these with Dad again. Ugh._

When he sees an honest smile cross Sebastian's face though, Kurt cocks an eyebrow. _Hmm... whatever he's doing, he seems to actually like it. He doesn't look as smarmy and arrogant..._ After a few more seconds of watching Sebastian mess with his phone, a chime sounds on his own, pulling him back to his conversation with his 'stalker'.

 _ **Stalker: Of course I'm yours, babe. No one else is worth the time ;) As for funny... I dunno. I burned myself on a chafing dish earlier, you probably find that funny. Asshole.**_

 _ **Me: LOL I do indeed. But on with my story, so tonight I was supposed to be shooting a tv special with the glee club and I didn't get to do it. My dad guilted me into helping him and now I'm bored out of my mind while all of my friends (and my brother, the traitor) get to do something fairly amazing for high school students. Ugh. I may never talk to anyone in my house ever again.**_

Knowing that he'd taken a few minutes to type all of that out, he leans back over and hits send, deciding to watch Sebastian again, hoping to figure out what he was doing. He'd actually been leaning back in his chair chewing his lip, glancing at his phone. Almost as soon as Kurt starts watching though, he suddenly sits up, smiling and obviously reading a text. He starts typing a response and smirks as he sits back again. Kurt's phone beeps.

 _Wait a minute. That was a coincidence... right? I mean... It had to be._

As Kurt checks his phone and types out a reply, he waits a few seconds, watching Sebastian, before hitting send.

 _ **Stalker: That sucks, babe. Don't worry though, I'm sure you'll get another chance to do something amazing.**_

 _ **Me: Aww, thanks! Um...you never explained to me what you meant by dinner btw.**_

Sebastian had sat smiling at his phone and as soon as Kurt had hit send, he'd smiled wider, moving it closer to read an incoming text. _Oh my god. No no no. No. Nope._ _ **No.**_ _This is not happening. My 'stalker' is_ _ **not**_ _Sebastian Smythe!_


	3. Chapter 3

_This can't be happening... it can't be Sebastian..._

Except everything fit. He said they had a mutual friend that was a warbler. He'd met Kurt a few times and had a conversation, but didn't know him very well. He'd said he was into someone else back then, so he hadn't paid much attention to Kurt. He'd been at sectionals, had 'sat near Blaine'. He was sexy but was **sure** that Kurt wouldn't date him. He was childish, spoiled, and cocky. He was in show choir. He was Sebastian fucking Smythe. Just then he gets a text,

 _ **Stalker: Another one of those damned political dinners I have to go to. There's no one here my age and most of these people only talk to me to either kiss up to my dad or try to get dirt on him. Hate these things.**_

Kurt is now freaking out. His chest tightens and he has to remind himself to breathe. He'd been talking to Sebastian... for weeks. He'd told him so many things that could be used against him. He'd talked to him about sex! He'd told him the truth about his break up with Blaine! He'd even been joking about the 'stalker' kissing him or being his boyfriend.

 _Oh my god. What_ _ **is**_ _this? Why would he possibly be doing this? He's been flirting with me for like two weeks! That has to be a joke, right? He_ _ **hates**_ _me. He likes Blaine! Oh god. Blaine... the dinner. He_ _ **had**_ _liked Blaine. He'd asked him out, was attempting to date him... and Blaine had kept talking about_ _ **me**_ _. And sectionals... he said I was sexy... and he's been flirting with me ever since... maybe he meant it? Weirder things have happened... not to_ _ **me**_ _. But to some people... right?_

When he gets another text he realizes that his freak out had taken several minutes. Before checking his phone he looks up to see Sebastian chewing his lip again as he waits anxiously for a response. _Oh god._

 _ **Stalker: Please tell me you aren't like, looking up political dinners in our area and all of their attendees, and their sons, or something.**_

Deciding to have some fun, since apparently Sebastian had been having some for weeks, Kurt smirks. After scooting the plant out a little so he can lean against the wall and still see Sebastian, Kurt starts texting.

 _ **Me: Nope, but what a wonderful idea! I'm going to do that right now.**_

 _ **Stalker: Oh shit! No! Stop! Abort! Um... how bout I tell you something really embarrassing and you stop what you're doing? =D**_

 _ **Me: It'd have to be something really good, hun. I REALLY want to know who you are.**_

 _ **Stalker: Um... ok. Prepare for a novel...**_

 _ **Stalker: So when I was a freshman, I was really quiet, and kind of shy. I was fairly popular but I only had about 5 friends I would consider close and most of them were girls. They found out that I had a crush on a friend of mine... I'd liked him for a few months but didn't admit it because I didn't know if he was gay. I let it slip to my friends during a party...**_

 _ **Stalker: The next school day, one by one, they all come up to me to tell me that they had asked him if he liked guys. A couple of them had even told the guy that they were asking because I liked him! I had one class with him and one of the guys that went to the party was in the class with us. I sat down, afraid to even look at the guy (because no, he didn't like me) and I just really wanted him to know that I did NOT ask them to talk to him.**_

 _ **Stalker: So I turned to the friend and was like "Don't you hate it when you tell your friends that you like someone and they ALL turn around and tell them about it?! I'm never telling them anything ever again." I figured this way, he'd know I didn't ask them to, but we didn't have to actually talk about it. And it would have been fine... except this dumbass friend of mine got all offended and yelled, "Hey! I didn't tell him you liked him!"**_

 _ **Stalker: Then the idiot TURNS TO THE BOY and says, "I didn't tell you he liked you, did I?!" … I can not stress to you how awkward this moment was. My entire face was bright red, I could feel the heat coming off it. I didn't even say anything, I just dropped my head down to the desk and refused to look up. We never mentioned it again. Well, the boy didn't. My friends brought it up right up until the day I moved away *glare***_

As Kurt reads the story he has a hard time not laughing out loud at the image of a tiny Sebastian Smythe literally head-desking. He glances up at the other boy and sees him squirming and looking mildly embarrassed. Deciding to put him out of his misery, Kurt replies,

 _ **Me: OMG lol That's so cute!**_

 _ **Stalker: No it's not! It's embarrassing! Never mention this again.**_

 _ **Me: Aww, I think it's sweet. It's not like YOU did it. No wonder you didn't go to your friends for advice about the guy you liked though, if that was your experience on it.**_

 _ **Stalker: Exactly. Clearly even friends can't be trusted.**_

 _ **Me: You trusted me. =P**_

 _ **Stalker: Well that's different. You're Kurt.**_

Sucking in a breath, Kurt darts his eyes up to Sebastian. It's the first time he'd ever called him out by name. They'd talked about everything else, dating Blaine, Finn being his brother, warbler stuff... there was no doubt that Seb knew who he was, but it was still the first time he'd ever actually **said** it.

 _ **Me: Um lol well I'm glad you trusted me. I was happy to help.**_

 _ **Stalker: Considering how that 'date' turned out, you shouldn't be THAT happy.**_

 _ **Me: Lol oh, but I am. See, if I'd helped you actually date that boy, you wouldn't be here flirting with me, right? =P I got to help you and still keep you to myself! Win-win!**_

Again, Kurt looks up to watch Seb's reaction. When he sees another genuine smile and slight blush cross Sebastian's face, Kurt knows he's screwed. _He means it. He really likes me... holy crap! Should I tell him I know? Maybe he actually wants to date? Wait... do_ _ **I**_ _want to date?_

Before he can really think about it too much, Burt walks over. "Hey, kid. Ready to go? You haven't said boo to anyone here, and you're still hiding from that guy, even tho you keep watching him and blushing. Something I should know?"

Kurt coughs, "No! Um... not at the present time. But yeah, I'm ready to go if you are."

Laughing, Burt nods and heads back toward Carole to start leading her out. Quickly checking his phone again he sees a text waiting. Smiling a little, Kurt responds before heading after his dad, careful to remain out of Sebastian's line of sight.

 _ **Stalker: LOL Yep. All yours, babe.**_

 _ **Me: Lol Well, my dad has finally remembered I exist so I have to go. I'll probably crash when I get home, so good night, hun!**_

 _ **Stalker: Night babe!**_

* * *

That night as Kurt applies his cleansers and moisturizers, he tries to decide what to do. He'd somehow become friends with Sebastian Smythe. In fact, a few short hours ago, he'd have called his 'stalker' more than a friend... _But let's not skip steps. Okay,_ _ **friend**_ _..._

 _Assuming that his interest in getting to know me is real and that everything happened the way I thought it did... Sebastian texted me to ask for help getting Blaine. Whether or not he had really wanted to_ _ **date**_ _Blaine or not remains undecided. But he gave up pretty quickly and easily, so maybe he'd only wanted to have sex with him? That doesn't spell good things for_ _ **our**_ _relationship._

When Kurt realizes where his thoughts automatically jumped, he blushes from the roots of his hair all the way down his neck.

 _Jesus! We're not dating! He won't even admit who he is... which I guess I understand a bit better now. I can see how he'd think I'd freak out. I **am**. But... I'm not really the person he thought I was... he met the Blaine'd version of me. I'd like to think I'm back to my old self now. Feistier, bitchier... more honest. I don't have to hide myself in the background anymore... and I don't have to be jealous that a hot guy is hitting on my boyfriend... this time he's hitting on __**me**_ _._

Shaking his head, Kurt forces his thoughts back on track. _Agh! No! Friend! Could I be his_ _ **friend**_ _? Anything else will have to wait until I actually admit that I know who he is. As for the friend thing... yeah. I like my 'stalker'. He's funny, and sweet, and he makes me smile. If I had found out who he was even a week or two ago... or actually..._ _ **any**_ _other way than exactly how I did, I think I'd have flipped out. It was only because I could see him, and he didn't know I was there, that I could believe him. He just looked so... pleased while texting me. Like he really would rather be talking to me than doing anything else in the world._

 _Agh! No. Stop. Leave the mushy stuff for when I can get his input on it too. For now I'll just enjoy teasing him and seeing how far I can push this before he caves and tells me who he is or before I blurt it out, because let's be real... I'm not going to be able to hide this for too long. And I really do want to know how serious he is about his attempts to flirt with me... I've never denied that Sebastian is hot. Oh god! I've even told_ _ **him**_ _that he's hot..._

 _Oh, this should be_ _ **fun**_ _._

* * *

As Kurt sits down at the Lima Bean for the first time in weeks, he decides to do an experiment. He'd seen Sebastian in there before, so that implies he lives close by, right? So if he knew Kurt was here...

 _ **Me: So, I've decided that Blaine can have the warblers in the divorce, but not coffee. I'm reclaiming the Lima Bean.**_

As usual, his reply is prompt,

 _ **Stalker: Oh really? I hadn't realized you had conceded it in the past.**_

 _ **Me: Yep. Between meeting Sebastian there and Blaine's love of caffeine, I was getting my coffee elsewhere, but no more! Seb and Blaine will just have to deal with it.**_

 _ **Stalker: Lol I'm sure Blaine hasn't roamed too far away from Dalton. Don't they have their own cafe or something?**_

 _ **Me: Yeah, but he was always a little too fond of this place. Although hopefully by now he's over the break up and will be sticking with his hive.**_

 _ **Stalker: Don't be so sure, you'd be hard to get over ;)**_

 _ **Me: *smirk* Not that hard.**_

* * *

When Kurt sees Sebastian walk through the doors less than ten minutes later, he almost cheers out loud. He pretends not to notice him, 'too absorbed in his phone'. He does notice that Seb makes no effort to stop texting him, and he can't resist getting to see his reactions to his messages.

 _ **Stalker: So what are you doing?**_

 _ **Me: Well, I brought a book, but I seemed to have been distracted by this guy who won't stop texting me =P**_

 _ **Stalker: Oh no! Sounds horrible. You should tell him to leave you alone. You're mine, remember? ;)**_

 _ **Me: If I had a name to give him that might make it easier.**_

 _ **Stalker: He doesn't have to know it's not the right name. Tell him my name is Bob.**_

 _ **Me: … is your name Bob? Because I'll be honest... that could be a deal-breaker.**_

 _ **Stalker: Lmao What's wrong with Bob?**_

 _ **Me: Well if for no other reason, I could never whisper your name in your ear to turn you on or call it out during sex. I mean... Bob? No.**_

Kurt knows he's pushing it, but Sebastian's reaction is so worth it he almost gives the game up by laughing aloud. When the text had gone through, Sebastian had almost tripped over his own feet and had knocked into the person in front of him. After his stammered apologies, he goes back to the phone in his hand, blushing madly. Kurt is literally biting his cheek at that point, now staring resolutely at the phone in his hand and trying not to laugh.

 _ **Stalker: Jesus Christ, babe! Warn a guy! I'm in public you know? Thank god I wasn't eating. I gotta go for about 20 minutes, text you in a few.**_

 _ **Me: Aww! But I wanted to discuss screaming your name some more! =(**_

 ** _Stalker: Babe! Uncool! Public!_** ** _Stop it!_**

Kurt giggles, watching through his lashes as Sebastian tries to contain his blush and put his phone away, reaching for his coffee when it's called. He purposely smiles down at his phone as he types out one last message, pretending to not notice Sebastian headed his way. It's only fair that Seb know he likes their conversations as much as he does.

 _ **Me: Fine, fine. I'll pretend to be good. For now. No promises when you're less 'in public' ;)**_

Kurt hits send right as Sebastian steps up to the table. Kurt can see Sebastian's hand twitch, like he wants to reach for his pocket. _It must be on silent. Boo. Now I can't ask who's texting him._

When Seb clears his throat, Kurt looks up, dropping his smile a little and putting his phone down. Instead of reacting to seeing Sebastian 'the first time since the break up', Kurt just cocks his eyebrow like he's waiting on Seb to say something.

Sebastian smirks, darting his eyes at Kurt's phone before saying, "Well, well! Fancy seeing you here! Haven't seen you around. Avoiding the overwhelming scent of hair gel and longing looks?"

Kurt catches himself before he can smile and respond like he would to his 'stalker'... this may be harder than he thought.

"Something like that. I heard from someone that he was still talking like he wanted to get back together awhile back, and that is definitely not happening. Easier to avoid the whole thing all together."

Seb chuckles, pulling the chair across from Kurt out and sitting down. "Wow. Your tune sure has changed. When we first met you had me thinking you were picking out china patterns."

Snorting, Kurt takes a sip of coffee. "Yeah, I almost had myself convinced, too. Luckily my common sense kicked in."

Sebastian looks like he can't decide how to proceed. Seeming torn between being rude and bitchy or actually attempting to play nice, Seb says, "Well, there's a first time for everything... he still hasn't jumped on the bandwagon. He still talks about you. So, if you're going to come here, be prepared to commence evasive maneuvers."

Smiling, Kurt says, "Thanks for the warning."

Eying Kurt warily, Sebastian sips his coffee. "You seem happy. It's so weird to see you perfectly content when he's so torn up about it. I figured you would be, at the very least, indignant."

Kurt shakes his head before answering. "The way we broke up was fairly horrible, but I'm over it. It's been two months and... I like someone else. So, I'm not real hung up on my ex."

He'd waited until Sebastian took a sip of his coffee and he catches the giggle before it escapes as Seb chokes. Kurt passes him the napkin he always grabs, waiting on him to recover.

"Y- you like someone else? Who? How many gay guys could you possibly know?"

Kurt shrugs, finishing his drink and setting down the cup. "Well, for one, I said I liked him, not that he liked me back. I haven't actually told him, so I don't know how he'd feel about it."

Watching Sebastian struggle to keep from blurting out 'It's your stalker, right?!' almost makes Kurt lose it. Quickly deciding that he can't keep this up much longer without giving himself away, Kurt smiles at Seb, pushing his chair out.

"Well, it's been nice seeing you, Sebastian. I've got to go, I have a previous engagement. Merry Christmas!" Smirking at the knowledge that the 'engagement' is Sebastian himself, Kurt waves and heads for the door, throwing away his empty cup as he goes.

* * *

After Kurt leaves the Lima Bean, he decides to make a quick detour to the mall. He'd been wanting to buy a Christmas gift for his stalker, but didn't know if it was a good idea or how to manage it. Now that he knows it's Sebastian, he can't resist.

Kurt has just managed to shut himself into his room when he gets a new text. Noting the time, he realizes it's been well over an hour since Seb had told him '20 minutes'. It's probably a good thing he hadn't wanted to text while Kurt was in the mall, but it still worried him a little. _He didn't really think I meant someone else, did he? He talks to me every day! Who the hell else would I mean?_

 _ **Stalker: Hey babe. Sorry bout that. I'm home now.**_

 _ **Me: Np, me too. I probably needed to stop anyway, before we both got embarrassed in public.**_

 _ **Stalker: Lol You're surprisingly more shameless than I thought you'd be.**_

 _ **Me: Yeah, well I'm an 18 yr old virgin. I get my thrills where I can lol**_

 _ **Stalker: Point. I can't imagine making it to 18.**_

 _ **Me: O god. I'm afraid to ask, how old were you?**_

 _ **Stalker: 15 lol**_

 _ **Me: So not fair! I really need to find a guy who is willing to date me before I end up doing something drastic. I really don't want to go off to New York feeling like the only virgin in the city and jump the first guy who says hi to me.**_

 _ **Stalker: *glare* I also disapprove of that plan.**_

 _ **Me: Then man up and tell me your name, hun!**_

 _ **Stalker: D= I can't! You know I can't, we've had this talk. Many times.**_

 _ **Me: Yes, but at this point I'm starting to wonder if that's really all it is.**_

 _ **Stalker: What the hell does that mean?**_

Kurt hesitates. When it was just his 'stalker' Kurt had believed that the only problem was that he was shy... but since he'd found out that it's Sebastian... Seb's not shy. At all. He has no morals, as he'd admitted himself. Would he really be **that** worried about Kurt turning him away?

Or is it that Seb just likes to flirt and likes having someone around to boost his ego? Kurt hadn't even needed the amazingly hot wrapping that is his body to want him. Maybe Seb just doesn't want to tell Kurt because then he'd have to 'nut up or shut up'. Eventually, Kurt types out,

 _ **Me: Are you sure that you just aren't telling me because you don't actually want me? I mean, I'll understand if you just want someone to flirt with, it's more than anyone else cares to do... I just would like to know if that's all it is so I don't get my hopes up too much.**_

 _ **Stalker: Babe... are you fucking kidding me? I thought you knew how much I want you. You're all I've thought about since your performance at sectionals... If I didn't think you would kick me in the balls, I'd sneak in your bedroom window in the middle of the night to molest you.**_

 _ **Me: Again, I'm on the second floor.**_

 _ **Stalker: Ladder. Lol For real though, if I didn't think you'd kick me out when you saw my face...**_

 _ **Me: Blindfold. lol For real though, I promise not to take it off... until after.**_

 _ **Stalker: Guh. You don't fight fair. Now I have that image in my brain. At least I'm not in public anymore.**_

 _ **Me: Lol Personally I'm getting rather fond of that image. So if I were to tell you my dad has one of those super sturdy industrial ladders that I could leave under my window...**_

 _ **Stalker: Dear god, shut up. You are not helping a damn thing.**_

 _ **Me: That all depends on the goal really. If you're looking for help being discouraged from breaking into my room, then no sir, I'm not helping. And I'm fine with that. Obviously.**_

 _ **Stalker: Seriously... you're about to bite off more than you can chew here, babe.**_

 _ **Me: Not so sure about that. I've got a pretty big mouth. I don't think I'd have a problem with choking.**_

 _ **Stalker: . . .**_

 _ **Me: *sigh* ok, I get it. I'll stop.**_

 _ **Me: Actually, I think I'm gonna go for a bit. I'll text you in a little while, ok?**_

 _ **Stalker: Please don't! I'm sorry! I'm not mad! It's just uh... a different kind of problem.**_

 _ **Me: Oh... really?**_

 _ **Stalker: *cough* Yeah. So... What did you do today? (or, ya know, any other topic that does not involve my dick...)**_

 _ **Me: Well, I bought you a Christmas present, but no, I'm perfectly happy talking about your dick. Please, continue.**_

 _ **Stalker: Uhhhh You did NOT just imply you're willing to sext with me...**_

 _ **Me: Well, not if that's your reaction, jeez. Maybe I WOULD be better off playing xbox *glare***_

 _ **Stalker: NO!**_

 _ **Stalker: Ahh! No! I mean! Shit!**_

 _ **Stalker: You can't just spring shit like that on me ok?!**_

 _ **Me: … I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go. We can talk later, just please god, never mention this again. *mortified***_

 _ **Stalker: no! wait!**_

 _ **Stalker: Not what I meant!**_

 _ **Stalker: Kurt!**_

 _ **Stalker: I know you can hear your phone beeping at you!**_

 _ **Stalker: Theres no way in hell you just left your room, because youre either blushing or crying!**_

 _ **Stalker: I will freak the fuck out if you dont answer me!**_

 _ **Stalker: KURT HUMMEL I WILL CALL YOUR HOUSE AND TELL FINN THAT YOURE CRYING.**_

 _ **Me: How the hell do you know my house's number?**_

 _ **Stalker: Thank fuck! Don't do that to me! Asshole!**_

 _ **Stalker: And how do you think? I'm your stalker! It's required for the license before they give you the complimentary binoculars.**_

 _ **Me: Well, hell I didn't know there was a license. Was the test hard?**_

 _ **Stalker: Lol please don't make jokes about being hard. (and no, it wasn't, I just had to list three of your bath products and your favorite movie.)**_

 _ **Me: Hey, I'm fine with talking about being hard. You're the one with the problem. Remember?**_

 _ **Stalker: No, actually that particular problem went away with the mind numbing fear that I had hurt you. That's REALLY not what I meant. Damn texts. You can't sense context through words on a screen.**_

 _ **Me: So you were not in fact horrified and dismayed at the idea that I wanted to sext you? Because seriously... that was harsh. You had JUST said you liked me.**_

 _ **Stalker: I do! Jfc I was freaking out because I almost swallowed my tongue, Kurt. You've said all along that you won't do anything until I tell you who I am, then all the sudden you're talkin about my dick. I was a little fucking surprised.**_

 _ **Me: O... is that the only problem you have with that idea? Because you can't still be surprised... ;)**_

...

 _ **Stalker: Hahahaha my poor dick. It's so confused.**_

 _ **Me: …?**_

 _ **Stalker: It keeps going up and down and doesn't know what the fuck to do anymore. I'm not sure either, to be fair.**_

 _ **Stalker: And NO, I have no problem sexting you. Jesus.**_

 _ **Me: ok... so um... you know I've never done this, right? He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was so vanilla I never even touched below his waist or vice versa.**_

 _ **Stalker: Lmao ok, rule #1: no referencing hobbits OR Harry Potter. Because... no.**_

 _ **Me: duly noted.**_

 _ **Stalker: This is the part where I'm supposed to ask what you're wearing... but it's you and I can't wait 20 min for you to type all that out, so let's skip some steps and both strip to underwear, k? ;)**_

 _ **Me: lol shut up. And um... ok. Let me lock my door.**_

When Kurt gets up, he has a small panic attack. _What am I doing? I said I'd wait until he admitted who he was... shit shit shit._ He double checks his door and strips off his clothes. He climbs back on the bed after making sure the windows are well covered.

 _ **Me: Done... lol for the record, my dad is out of town for a few days. He has Christmas parties to shmooze at.**_

 _ **Stalker: So you're alone?**_

 _ **Me: Um, I think Sam and/or Finn is here, I can hear the tv going downstairs, but they're playing xbox so they'll be at it for hours and not hear a damn thing. I've always hated those headsets, my opinion is quickly changing though.**_

 _ **Stalker: Ok, one more thing... my typing is about to get horrible because it's one handed... obviously... no bitching.**_

 _ **Stalker: I HEAR you glaring at the phone, but you know you were going to. You can also abbreviate... we're smart guys, I'm sure we can figure it out. When in doubt, assume I said cock.**_

 _ **Me: LMAO again, duly noted. Also, cock is not interchangeable for EVERYTHING.**_

 _ **Stalker: … most things.**_

 _ **Me: Lol shut up. Or actually, just change topic. So, I wear briefs, you?**_

 _ **Stalker: God. Boxer-briefs, but the short kind.**_

 _ **Me: mm ok so now what? I'm already hard *blush***_

 _ **Stalker: God, yeah. Me too. I wish I was there, so I could see you**_

 _ **Me: See me? Is that all you want to do? Maybe I won't leave that ladder down there, if you're just a tease.**_

 _ **Stalker: Fuck. No, I wouldnt just be looking.**_

 _ **Me: What would you do?**_

 _ **Stalker: Id kiss u, pushing u down on the bed, lean over u so I could press against u**_

 _ **Me: God, I want to kiss u, want to feel u against me**_

 _ **Stalker: Id slid my hands all over u, feeling ur soft, pretty skin against me. Want to see how much u blush when ur turned on**_

 _ **Me: Really? Its probably a good thing u like that I blush so much**_

 _ **Stalker: Guh, I luv it. Want to trace that blush with my tongue, see how far I can make it spread. Id lick u all down ur chest, rubbing my hands over ur thighs**_

Suddenly getting an idea, Kurt blushes harder but toggles to camera. Taking the picture before he can change his mind, Kurt double checks that it looks okay, only showing the bottom half of his face, and sends it off. Knowing that Seb was now looking at a picture of his naked chest and that it clearly showed where Kurt's other hand was, he starts to panic.

Before he can really regret doing it, he gets a chime and looks back to his phone. Groaning out loud, Kurt sees a return picture of what he assumes is Sebastian Smythe's chest. Clicking the thumbnail, Kurt slides it down to find that it also shows Seb's hand, which is firmly grasping his cock. _Oh my god... Holy shit... Clearly I don't have to be worried about being embarrassed around Sebastian, he's totally freaking shameless!_

 _ **Me: omg!**_

 _ **Stalker: Lol u said u didnt mind talking about my dick, out of things to say?**_

 _ **Me: God, I want to taste it, ur so fucking hot**_

 _ **Stalker: Jfc want to see ur pretty lips wrapped around my cock... fuck kurt**_

 _ **Me: Yes please. Please fuck kurt. Want u to fuck me so bad...**_

 _ **Stalker: Fuck, r u touching urself?**_

 _ **Me: Ya, u?**_

 _ **Stalker: Yes... do u have lube?**_

 _ **Me: Ya, I may have uh... fingered myself a few times lately, thinking abt u.**_

 _ **Stalker: Jesus fuck, babe. Now? Will u finger urself and pretend it's me?**_

 _ **Me: Nnngh ya, hang on.**_

As Kurt grabs his lube he leans back on his pillows, carefully keeping one hand clean so he can keep texting in a sec. It doesn't take long before he's working two fingers inside himself. Grabbing his phone again, Kurt toggles to camera one more time before going back to texting.

 _ **Stalker: Fuuuuck o jfc I cant believe u sent that. Thank u so much, ur so fucking awesome.**_

 _ **Me: Lol im just doing what u told me to ;)**_

 _ **Stalker: Jesus fuck, never break that habit. Always do what I tell u to. R u still only using 2 fingers?**_

 _ **Me: Ya, im stretching em a lil, pretending its u, and ur getting me ready for ur cock.**_

 _ **Stalker: Kurt jesus, ur fuckin killin me. Add another finger? Get urself good and ready for me.**_

 _ **Me: O god! So full... want u, want ur cock in me**_

 _ **Stalker: Fuck kurt, im close**_

 _ **Me: Me too, if I stop texting its good news, not bad**_

 _ **Stalker: Lol ur so fuckin cute, and sexy and hot and I really want to be there right now, pressing my cock into u, making u cum all over urself, clenching down on me**_

Kurt finally drops his phone, leaving it where he can see it but using both hands on himself, one still thrusting his fingers and the other wrapped around his cock. He throws his head back, remembering Sebastian's picture and thinking about what it'll be like to taste him and feel Seb's cock sliding into him.

Biting his lip, Kurt takes his hand off his dick long enough to reach out to his phone, still laying on his bed. Trying not to chicken out, he presses the 'Call' button, wondering if Sebastian will actually answer it. Surprisingly it only rings twice, Kurt puts it on speaker and groans out,

"D-don't worry, you don't have to say anything, I just um... my hands are too busy to text and I really want to help you get off. I want to make you come, even if I can't touch you."

Kurt hears a low moan and the quiet sounds of skin on skin and groans again. "God, I can hear you. I wish you were here so I could see you... taste you. Want you to fuck me into my mattress. Want you to fuck me so hard I feel it for days... I want to kiss you and f-feel you come in me."

Hearing a quiet, barely whispered "Fuck, Kurt... so fucking hot." pushes him over the edge. As Kurt moans a little louder than he probably should, coming all over his hand and stomach, he hears, "Fuck! God! Kuurt... nnngh."

Glad that they'd come so close together, Kurt drops himself back on his pillows, reaching for his tissues. After he's half decently cleaned up and his underwear pulled back in place, Kurt picks up his phone, not really knowing what to do. _Do I hang up? That seems... rude..._

"Um... I don't know what to do. I don't really want to hang up but I know you won't talk..." He has to stop himself from just telling Sebastian that he knows and doesn't care, at this point he just wants it out in the open. He'd come harder than he ever had and he really just wants Sebastian to admit who he is so they can be together... if that's what he wants. He sighs heavily.

"Please just tell me who you are. I really **won't** care... Wait, that's a horrible way to put it... I won't dump you just because of some stupid thing you did in the past or if you're ugly or whatever you think the reason is." When he's only met with a sad sigh and no words, Kurt finally snaps.

"You said I've met you, well let me put it this way. If you are within two years of my age, genuinely like me, haven't lied to me in the passed week, and really are just worried about how I'm going to react, nothing else; then come get your Christmas present. You can have **me** or what I bought you at the mall today, or both. You can have whatever you want, because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. I don't care if you're the guy that threw me in a dumpster, or the guy that wrote 'fag' on my locker freshman year, or the guy that threatened to kill me junior year. You can be literally any guy I've ever met, as long as you fit those standards. But I'm tired of feeling like a dirty thing that has to be kept hidden, especially because you said you're already out! I'm going to text you my address and put the ladder under my window wrapped in a tarp. It's your call."

Kurt hangs up, texts his address, and turns off his phone. After a few minutes of fighting back tears, he finally gets up and goes to grab his shopping bags. On the off chance that Sebastian mans up, he needs to have his gift wrapped.

As he tosses it down on his bed though, he gets an idea. Slipping on yoga pants and a t shirt, Kurt runs to his door, throwing it open. "Finn! Sam! I need your help!"


	4. Chapter 4

[Sebastian]

 _What the fuck am I doing?_

As Seb parks a few houses down, on the street, he bangs his head against his steering wheel. _How has it come to this? Me, Sebastian Smythe, about to attempt to woo Kurt fucking Hummel. I'll be lucky if he doesn't kick me in my balls so hard they lodge in my throat._

Sighing, he concedes, _Well, at least I never threatened to kill him. If he can forgive that guy... and he did say I was hot... if worse comes to worse, I can just run away. He doesn't know where I live and he won't come to Dalton, not with Mousse around..._ Shaking his head, he finally decides that he can't get any more pathetic than he already is and gets out of the car.

He'd done every stalkery thing he could before actually parking. He'd Google'd the address, mapped it on Google Earth and had even driven by three times to make sure he had the right place. As he creeps around the side of the house he eventually sees a tarp. As quietly as he can he uncovers the ladder and extends it up to the window above him.

 _Jesus fucking Christ. What am I doing? I'm gonna get arrested. It's gonna be Finn's window. Or Burt's. Oh god! What if it's Burt's?! Oh, right. Burt is out of town. Still..._

Resisting the urge to run away again, Sebastian starts to climb. When he gets to the top he's relieved to find the window all the way open and he half climbs, half falls through it. Standing up and looking around the room he's surprised to find it mostly neutral colors. He'd pictured something brighter. His eyes are quickly drawn to the bed and he steps closer quietly.

 _Shit. I really am a stalker now. Does it still count as stalking if you're invited? Hell, he left me a ladder..._

When he leans down he almost jumps out of his skin at Kurt suddenly leaning forward to grab him and pull him down on the bed. He's even more shocked when he hears him yell out, "Now!"

Before Sebastian can really process what's going on, the blonde guy with lips charges into the room and helps Kurt manhandle him on the bed.

A few minutes later, Sebastian finds himself with his wrists tied up and being held down on the bed by Kurt sitting in his lap pressing him down to the mattress. Still trying to figure out what's going on, he hears 'Sam' yell out the window for someone to go start the truck, he'll be right down. _What the hell?_

Sam closes the window and turns to Kurt. "Done. Finn put the ladder back up and I'll jam the door when we leave, the cooler is in the bathroom. See ya in the morning, dude!" Just as he's about to walk out, he turns back to face Sebastian, giving him a huge innocent smile. "Oh yeah! If there's so much as a single bruise on our little brother tomorrow that he isn't 800% happy about, we'll break both your legs. Have a nice night!"

Kurt shakes his head but makes no attempt to get up, muttering, "Overprotective... suppose it could be worse. They could have told Puck. Or worse, Dad. Jesus." Finally turning back to Sebastian, Kurt smiles widely. "Hi!"

Gaping, Sebastian can only shout, "Hi?! That's all you have to say?! What the fuck is going on?!"

Shushing him, Kurt says, "Be quieter. I don't want to gag you too, I've spent weeks wondering what you sound like. Our little chat at the Lima Bean just wasn't enough. But if you alert the neighbors and Dad finds out, we're all dead."

Still gaping, Sebastian repeats, much quieter, "What the fuck is going on?!"

Smiling, Kurt replies, "I'm kidnapping you. Thank you for doing most of the work. And well, Sam and Finn helped, so I guess **we're** kidnapping you. But now it's just me. They went to a motel for the night, which I paid for, obviously."

"What?!"

"Well, honestly. I couldn't expect them to pay for it. It's bad enough that I was kicking them out of the house for a night. But I didn't want to lose my virginity in a cheap motel and I didn't really want to waste money on an expensive one when everything we need is right here. So... Hi!"

Giving himself a few minutes to keep from stuttering and stammering like an idiot, Sebastian eventually bites out, "You knew. You knew who I was! You had to have, you don't seem shocked at all!"

Kurt blushes before admitting, "Yes... I've known for a couple days."

"What the hell, Kurt?! Why didn't you tell me?! Why did you sext with me earlier? Why couldn't you have just admitted it? How did you even find out!?"

Switching to a glare, Kurt bites out, "Why didn't **I** tell **you**?! Are you serious? It's not my job to tell my stalker that I found out who he was! You needed to want to be with me enough to risk it, or what's the point?! If you don't care enough about me to come clean, why should I want to date you, let alone give you my virginity? And I found out at that stupid dinner on Friday."

"The political thing? You were there?" Sebastian can't remember much about the dinner, he'd spent the whole night texting... with Kurt. He'd said he was forced to help his dad with something and he'd had to give up some glee thing... His dad... Burt Hummel, new congressman... He'd gotten quiet and had 'gone to bed early'. _He must have flipped out... but that means he knew when we met at the Lima Bean..._ "You meant me, didn't you?" At Kurt's blank look, he elaborates, "When we had coffee, you said you liked someone, did you mean me?"

Scoffing, Kurt shifts a little, "Of course I did. I talk to you all day, everyday. Who the hell **else** would I mean?"

Huffing, Sebastian tries to throw his arms up, only remembering when they won't separate. "That's what I wanted to know!" When all Kurt does is smile at him, Sebastian squirms. "So... what's all this? Why tie me up, not that I'm really complaining if that's your kink, but was it really necessary to ambush me?"

Shrugging, Kurt leans down, putting his hand on Sebastian's chest and resting his chin on it. "I don't know. I had no idea how you'd react to me knowing beforehand who you were. I was taking no chances. For all I knew you were going to show up with a blindfold. And while I also have no problem with kink, I decided I wasn't going to spend my first time not able to see you. There's been too much of that already."

Finally coming to accept that this was real -that Kurt knew who he was, and didn't mind it; that he was in Kurt's bed and he seemed perfectly happy to keep him there, wasn't actually giving him a choice about it- Sebastian growls. "Get this off me!"

Looking startled, Kurt leans back up and says, "No! No way. I put too much effort into getting you here. And you can't leave anyway. Sam barred the door from outside and they took the ladder. So if you plan to leave you're gonna have to jump out the window. And fair warning, I won't let you use my bedsheets, for more than one reason."

Growling again, Sebastian reaches up to throw his tied wrists around Kurt's neck, pulling him down. At first, Kurt squawks but he's quickly silenced by Sebastian's lips.

Quickly catching on, _thank fuck_ , Kurt leans forward more, biting softly at Sebastian's upper lip. Sebastian licks his way into Kurt's mouth before mumbling against it, "Seriously, take this fucking thing off my wrists. I want to touch you."

Leaning back, Kurt groans a little, "Swear you won't take the chance to hit me and run away?" Not even waiting for a response, Kurt starts to untie him. When he does Sebastian laughs.

"Oh my god. You **would** use a Dalton tie. You can just set that aside, we might need that later. For now though-"

Grabbing Kurt by the back of the neck, he pulls him back down onto his chest to kiss him again, this time threading his fingers back into the smaller boy's hair.

After a few minutes Sebastian leans back down, whispering out, "How do you want to do this, babe? I don't care what we do, as long as I get to touch you."

Smirking, Kurt reaches under his pillow and comes out with lube and a condom. Tossing the foil wrapper at Seb, he tells him to put it on. Kurt gets up and slips off his yoga pants and t shirt, having removed the underwear over an hour ago when he'd showered.

He climbs back on top of Sebastian, now naked except for the condom. Leaning down to kiss him again as he pours lube onto one hand, Kurt reaches for Sebastian's cock. While spreading the lube over him, he mumbles, "We can switch it up next time if you want, this just makes more sense because I don't have to prep."

Jolting, Sebastian grabs Kurt's hips. "W-what? Wait, babe. That was hours ago, this is your first time, it doesn't work like that!"

Blushing, Kurt clears his throat before sitting up and confessing, "Actually, Finn was watching out the front window for when you got here. He called out when he saw the same car go by twice. So I um... stretched myself again."

Sebastian groans, "Damn, you're totally unreal." Holding his dick in place he uses the other hand to direct Kurt to hover over him. "Whenever you're ready, babe."

As Kurt slowly sinks himself down on Sebastian's cock, Seb wishes he could bring himself to close his eyes. Seeing his own cock sliding slowly into Kurt's tighthotperfect ass is the hottest fucking thing he's ever seen and he's starting to wonder if he's going to last longer than 30 seconds flat.

When Kurt bottoms out he stops, taking deep breaths, and leaning down to press his forehead against Sebastian's collarbone. Only after he feels Kurt relax his grip on him a little does Sebastian realize just how tightly he's gripping Kurt's hips. _He's going to have bruises... I shouldn't be as happy about that as I am._

He'd been more than a little obsessed with Kurt Hummel's hips since he'd seen him doing stripper rolls and hip thrusts. The fact that he can touch them and mark them is pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to him.

As Kurt finally adjusts enough to try lifting himself, Sebastian moans lowly, feeling the countertenor slide back down on him. "Babe, you really might be the death of me."

"Aww, what's wrong, Seb? I thought you'd like me riding your cock?" As Kurt continues to move up and down at a tortuously slow pace, he smirks down at Sebastian, clearly not feeling any pain. _Just how long did he 'stretch'?_

Seeing the smirk, Seb growls at him again, biting out, "We're not texting anymore, babe. Don't pull that teasing shit."

Grinning, Kurt runs his hands over Sebastian's pecs, stopping to rub his thumbs over his nipples before moving down to his abs, not speeding his long slow thrusts down onto Seb's cock. "Can it really be called teasing if your dick is in me, Sebby?"

"Kurt! Knock it off before bad things happen." Sebastian is seriously holding on to his last shred of control when Kurt pulls almost all of the way off of Seb's cock.

Kurt feels the head tug at the rim of his hole before he leans down to whisper in his ear, "Maybe I want bad things to happen, Sebastian." and slams back down on his cock.

Seb's tenuous self control finally breaks at the rough move and he pulls Kurt off his cock. Moving as quickly as he can, he slips out from under Kurt, moving around behind him. Pushing Kurt down, Seb pulls his ass up so that he's pressed face first into the bed with his ass raised in the air.

With no warning, Seb slams back inside of Kurt, holding him even harder than before by the hips and pulling him backward into each of his forward thrusts. As he sets up a truly punishing, hard and fast pace, he leans down over Kurt's back to whisper in his ear,

"Is this what you wanted, babe?" When the only response he gets is a low groan and Kurt shoving his face down into the bedspread, gripping it with both hands, Sebastian slows to a stop. "Kurt? Babe? You okay? … Oh god! Kurt?!"

Finally taking a deep breath and propping himself up on his arms, Kurt looks back at Sebastian, his blush covering his entire face and creeping down his neck. "W-why did y-you stop? Seb, god, keep going."

Momentarily stunned, Sebastian thrusts one more time and watches Kurt's eyes close as he let's out a whimper. Thrusting again, Seb says, "You sure, babe? You're not hurt?"

Blushing even brighter, Kurt stammers out, "D-damn it, Seb... n-no. I'm not hurt! Fuck me!"

Growling again, Sebastian grips Kurt's hips and starts pulling him back on his cock as hard as he can, shoving Kurt up the bed a little. Kurt reaches up and braces himself against the headboard, giving himself some leverage to thrust his ass back at Sebastian, still moaning and whining as quietly as he can every time Seb hits that spot inside him that makes his back arch.

Watching as his cock disappears into Kurt, Sebastian feels himself getting close. Leaning back down to Kurt, he presses his chest to Kurt's back and wraps his hand around Kurt's cock. As he roughly strokes him, he whispers, "Come for me, babe. Let me feel you tighten around me and moan for me. Come on, scream my name for me."

When Seb hits his prostate and twists his hand at the same time, Kurt finally cries out, "F-fuck! Se-Sebas-! Seb!" As Kurt clenches tightly around him and claws at the headboard, Sebastian slams into him one more time before following him, coming into the condom.

Taking a few seconds to recover, Sebastian leans against the headboard with his forearm to keep him from dropping onto Kurt's back. _He's going to be sore enough without me knocking his breath out..._ "Fuck!" _I can't believe I did that his first time... his 'brothers' are going to fucking kill me._

Finally catching his breath, he pulls back, carefully pulling out and getting up. Quickly walking into the bathroom to dispose of the condom and look for a towel for Kurt, he laughs out loud when he looks in the bathtub. Sure enough, there's a small cooler sitting there. _Seriously? Are we camping now?_

Shaking his head at the silliness that is his boyfriend, Sebastian looks around for a cupboard or shelf. His mom and sister made sure he knew by age 12 that the frilly towels on the rack aren't for use. It takes him longer than he'd admit to realize that the basket sitting under the wall mounted sink is full of folded towels and wash clothes. Resisting the urge to facepalm, he grabs one and wets it with warm water. Walking back out of the room he's alarmed to see Kurt sitting against the headboard with his knees tucked against his chest and his arms wrapped around them, looking upset.

"Shit! I did hurt you, didn't I? Are you okay? Fuck!" Freaking out a little, Sebastian sits on the edge of the bed keeping a little distance between them. The last thing he wants is to hurt him worse. Dropping the towel on his knee, Seb puts his head in his hands and mutters. "God I'm such a fucking idiot. What the hell was I thinking?!"

In the blink of an eye, Sebastian is suddenly being hit, smacked repeatedly by Kurt who looks furious. "Fuck you, Sebastian! You spent weeks trying to get me into bed, don't you think it's a little fucking late to regret it now?!"

"Wait! What?!" Sebastian is having trouble getting a word out, because Kurt is still hitting him, eventually getting fed up with the assault, he stands up, ripping the blanket off the end of the bed and tackling Kurt, wrapping him in it enough that Kurt can't move his arms. When he finally stops attempting to hit him, Sebastian yells out, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Glaring, Kurt looks like he wants to headbutt him, so he moves back a few more inches. "You! You've been flirting with me for weeks, and you said you liked me, but as soon as we came, you stopped touching me and then you couldn't get out of the room fast enough! Then you come back in and start spouting about how stupid you are and what were you thinking... well fuck you!"

Sebastian just let's Kurt rant at him, not even stopping him. _He's so fucking hot when he's mad. How does he not get molested every time he throws a bitch-fit?_

When Kurt realizes that not only is Sebastian smiling at him, he's not even listening anymore, he screams out, " **Sebastian Smythe!** Don't you dare fucking ignore me!"

Laughing, Sebastian reaches forward and cuts Kurt off with a kiss, biting his bottom lip when Kurt goes to pull away and keep bitching. He waits until Kurt has started to respond before pulling back.

"Will you shut up and listen now?" Not giving him time to respond, Sebastian smirks. "I 'stopped touching you' because I thought I hurt you and was trying to not make it worse. I got up to get you a towel to clean up with, which took longer than I thought because it was dark and I didn't see the fucking basket. And the 'spouting' was because I couldn't believe I was that rough with a virgin. If you can walk normally tomorrow, I'll be impressed. I hope you prepped really well, or you're going to get questions."

Kurt continues to glare at him with narrowed eyes. Sebastian just laughs again, putting a hand over Kurt's chest and putting his chin on it like Kurt had done earlier. "I really do have the silliest boyfriend. By the way, if your 'brothers' ask, you have to tell them that you love every one of your bruises, even if it's a lie. I know **I** do. They were well earned. Mine were not. I got beat up for not wanting to get your sheets too dirty, and look how that worked out!"

Finally relaxing a little, Kurt stares at him with wide eyes. "Boyfriend?"

Scoffing, Seb releases Kurt, unwrapping the blanket so he can get skin to skin contact again. He'd waited long enough, dammit. "Hell yes, 'boyfriend'. I don't share. Well, not **you**. I don't share you. I don't expect you to share either, for the record." When Kurt still acts like he has no idea what to say, Sebastian presses his chest close to Kurt's, asking, "So, why and how did you get Finn and Sam to help you?"

Kurt giggles, running his hand through Seb's hair. "As soon as I gave you the address I went and told them the whole story and asked them to help me trap you. Once they were sure you wouldn't hurt me, they agreed. Shit! What time is it?"

Glancing at the clock, Sebastian sees that it's almost 1am. Glancing at Kurt, who is suddenly pushing him away and reaching for the nightstand, Seb waits patiently for an explanation. After Kurt sends off a text he looks back up.

"Sorry! They said they'd give me until 1 to give them the all clear or they were coming back to 'save me'. Good thing I remembered. They really don't need to show up and find us naked."

Cocking an eyebrow, Seb says, "Uh, babe. I'm pretty sure they knew we were gonna fuck. Sam implied it pretty hard. Also, what the fuck with the cooler?"

Hearing a chime, Kurt looks back down at his phone, texting while he says, "Yes, logically they know, but they're straight boys, hun. They don't want to see it. Not to mention I'm the 'innocent' one. They can't picture me having a sex life. And that's for the best, really." Putting his phone back on the table, Kurt lays back down, leaning back against the pillows. "As for the cooler, it has drinks and a few snacks, since we can't get out to the kitchen."

Sebastian smirks, "You really barricaded us into your bedroom so I couldn't leave until I fucked you?"

Blushing, despite everything that had just happened and the fact that the only thing Kurt was wearing was a smile, he says, "No, the 'fucking' was optional, but you had to talk to me. If I didn't text them by 1 or if I asked them to come back sooner, they would have, but I would have at least gotten my chance to talk to you. And frankly Smythe, you're a manwhore. I was pretty sure I was getting laid if you couldn't run away."

Chuckling, Seb curls up against Kurt's chest. "Well, you weren't wrong. I guess I should get used to that."

"Yeah, that'll make our lives a lot easier. We should get some sleep. The guys will be back early to let us out."

As Kurt slides down the bed to lay against Sebastian, Seb traces his fingers over the bruises already forming on Kurt's hipbones. Seeing his fascination, Kurt giggles. "You really are obsessed aren't you?"

"You have no idea. It's become a fucking problem. Clearly, it's got me doing a lot of crazy shit. I climbed in your window like a lunatic. What if the neighbors saw me?!" Before he can work himself up too much, Kurt runs his hands over Sebastian's sides and leans up to kiss him again.

When he pulls back he smirks. "Our neighbors have learned to expect some crazy shit. Honestly if anyone saw you, the first thing they would do is call the house. They'd probably assume you were Puck trying to sneak in without Dad knowing."

Frowning, Seb goes to ask more questions when he's silenced by another kiss. When Kurt leans away he says, "Finn and his friends are weird, hun. It's not that big of a deal and I want to sleep. We'll talk more in the morning."

Pulling the blanket up, they drift off to sleep, Seb still tracing Kurt's hipbones with his thumbs. Just before he falls asleep, Sebastian mumbles into Kurt's neck, "Love you too, by the way."

* * *

"Hey, Kurt-"

When he hears the door open behind him and movement out in the hall like someone moving a chair or something, he's torn between laughing uproariously and hiding in the bathroom. _Shit. They_ _ **would**_ _show up now._ Not moving away, Sebastian just leans back to stare up at Kurt, silently asking what he wants to do. Kurt is too busy staring horrified at the doorway to notice.

Sighing, Sebastian hikes the sheet up on his hip better and crawls back up to lay beside Kurt. They'd had a lazy morning together and had already been up for a couple hours. After Sebastian had explained that he'd been looking into boarding schools in New York that took out of state students for his senior year, they'd exchanged Christmas presents. Kurt babbled like a crazy person over the private singing and dance lessons Sebastian had paid for. If that got him to Columbus every weekend, well, that was just a coincidence. And if the lessons just happened to be late Saturday and early Sunday, leaving a convenient excuse for Kurt to crash with a **friend**... that was also a coincidence.

The addition of a silver keychain that had said 'Je t'aime' had been met with a giggle and teary eyes, explained when Sebastian opened his own gift. The new lax gear bag and certificate for a new customized stick were amazing, but the giggle was due to the set of small silver keychains attached to the zipper of the new bag. A lax stick, a music note, and a small engraved plate with the letter S stamped into it. On the back of the plate, in tiny letters, were the words, 'Love You'. Sebastian had been interrupted in showing his appreciation for his gifts.

Not happy about being pulled away from putting a new mark on Kurt, he glares at the doorway only to be met with what is possibly the tallest looking 18 year old he's ever met. _Shit! Seriously?! I don't remember him being_ _ **that**_ _big!_

When Kurt starts giggling uncontrollably at the look on both Finn and Sebastian's faces, Seb glares down at him. "Really, babe? What about **that** is funny?"

Giggling harder, Kurt gasps out, "You looked so worried. Oh my god." After a few seconds, he notices Seb's frown and he settles down enough to say, "Don't worry. He's harmless unless I'm hurt. He's just freaking out because he puts the 'phobia' in homophobia."

"What?! Your 'brother' is homophobic?! What the hell, Kurt?!"

Smiling and putting a hand on Sebastian's shoulder, he gestures at the door where Finn still hasn't moved. He's frozen like he's in shock and can't look away. Glancing back at Kurt for an explanation Kurt says, "I may have traumatized him a few years ago. He's fine with gay people, especially me, in concept, but actual sexual acts, he's legitimately afraid of them. He's just walked into a Saw movie scenario." Sebastian just blinks at him, not really getting it. Kurt huffs and turns back to Finn. "Sweetie, I'm fine. He didn't hurt me and you can leave. Thank you for your help."

Finn makes a strangled noise, looking away a little and trying to form a sentence. Kurt giggles again and says,

"Really, hun. You should go. We **are** still naked." A few seconds later, Sebastian is pretty sure that if the door wasn't wide open it would have a Finnprint blasted through it like a cartoon. Looking back to Kurt he raises an eyebrow. "Like I said, he's okay with it, he just can't witness it. He really is **scared** of us, not hateful. He's the best brother in the world... as long as I'm wearing pants."

Before Sebastian can come up with a response, Sam pokes his head in the door. "Sorry 'bout that! That was probably mostly my fault. I gave him a few too many details last night."

Sebastian glares at the blonde, wrapping his arms around Kurt and pulling him close. Kurt just rolls his eyes, smiling at Sam. "Thanks for your help, sweetie. And exactly what 'details' did you share with him?"

Perhaps noticing a frosty hint to the words or the slight narrowing of Kurt's eyes, Sam takes a small step backward. "Uhh..."

Kurt sits up, pulling away from Sebastian a little. "I seem to recall you promising to leave as soon as you blocked the door, so you shouldn't **know** any details. Right, Sam?"

Holding his hands up, Lips starts to back toward the door. "Kurt, you had us freaking out. You told us you had a stalker and you planned to lock him in your room for the night because he was going to **climb through your window**. I just wanted to make sure you were safe!"

"Uh huh, and how long did you stick around to 'make sure I was safe'?" Kurt narrows his eyes further.

"Not very long! I swear! I bailed as soon as you started talking about gagging him!"

"Samuel Dwight Evans! You did **not** tell my brother that I was going to gag Sebastian!"

"No! I just said you were kinkier than I expected!"

" **That's not better, Sam!** "

Swallowing quickly, Sam runs out the still open door. As he flies down the stairs they hear him yell back, "I'm sorry! I'll make you your favorite Peanut butter and Banana smoothie!"

Sebastian just leans back against the headboard, making no move to get up and put pants on, just watching Kurt and smirking. It's only when they're sure Sam isn't coming back that Kurt finally cracks and starts laughing.

"Oh! His face! He's going to be waiting on me hand and foot for days thinking I'm pissed off. This is officially the best day ever!"

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than they hear the front door slam.

Sebastian is startled by a loud voice yelling up the stairs, "Princess, what the fuck is Finn talking about?! You're not fucking warbler, right?!"

Turning to Sebastian Kurt stares at him with wide eyes. "You may want to jump out the window now."

Huffing, Seb just leans back and gets ready for the show. "Not without my crown, Booboo."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! ^_^**

 **Thank you to everyone that has and will read and review, you guys are awesome! I wouldn't have written another word after Princess Peach's without you guys! (if you had read this a/n before I changed it or are confused by reviews, I was thinking about not writing anymore. Clearly I have no say in the matter, I have no self control and some ideas won't leave me alone. And apparently I'm a pushover lol)**


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